Today's Menu:
More of the same....
Time to Worship
Yesterday, I needed a fasting helpline. I was feeling so discouraged, tired, and sad. There is nothing in me that wants to break the fast but I am battling the blues. I pressed my way to revival last night and was glad I did but even that was a bit of a struggle. I am not thinking clearly STILL-walking out the door without keys to my truck, on my way down the stairs and cannot remember what I am going downstairs for, and the like. Right now, I am looking at the glass of my life and concluding that it is half empty--NOT a good place. I am right now in the middle of an internal temper tantrum in which I do not want to do anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone; I just want to pout and crawl back into bed. But instead I will worship.
I think my flesh is dying. It is crying for all it's old pleasures--food, TV, extra sleep, movies, simply running things based upon what it wants. It does not like this deprivation, not one bit. And it is so alone because my spirit refuses to loose it and my mind will not justify it's cravings. Without these allies, it is powerless to rebel. It can only grumble hoping one of the two will get on board, pity it, co-sign it's cravings. It is starving now and no one is feeding it.
Last night, my spirit came to life when the Dance Ministry ministered. The atmosphere of worship did for me what nothing else--prayer, reading the Word, preaching could. It lifted me. It was like rain in a desert. So I am playing one of my worship playlists on iTunes. Soon I will stretch out on the floor and cry out in worship. If something has to die, well sorry flesh...it has to be you! I've been praying; today I will just worship.
your post got me thinking..could it be that our moments of sadness and the blues is just an indicator that it time to bury some aspect of our flesh...im feeling that way too today. it must be time for a burial...
ReplyDeleteit sounds to me like your flesh is really mourning it's loss. there is nothing like "slow singing and flower bringing" to mark the end of a life and usher the flesh off to its grave. But in this instance, the slow singing and the flower bringing is your worship unto the lord and the end of life is the life ruled by the flesh...enjoy your walk in the spirit and carry-on...
No condolences for the flesh!
Good morning all - here I sit in this room in a meeting again all day UGH!!! There is nothing like feeling like a "hebrew slave" with pay - I HAVE to sit and listen to people who I don't know and who at times make no sense in what they are saying.
ReplyDeleteThank GOD for a break...
Rev Raquel after reading your post all I wanted to do and did do was pray for you, pray that "this too shall pass" and it will my sister, hold on.
Another thought just came into my head - Preach to yourself (I hear Pastor say that all the time as he is preaching).
Sometimes I find myself giving testimony to someone or sharing a word that I believe will help them when in fact it is something I REALLY need to hear again.
Before I finish I just wanted to say that the not thinking clearly happens to me all the time, the many times I run down 3 flights of stairs to only remember that I forgot something. I just laugh and say OH WELL, I am just grateful to be alive in the Lord one more day. "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalms 118:24.
Be blessed