Saturday, February 27, 2010

Day 11: Prepared

Scripture: I Corinthians 4-6

Prepared
I am sitting in the ICU waiting area after a long night of remaining at my grandfather's bedside. I am tired, my body aches. I have been craving a cheeseburger and french fries since I got here yesterday morning. It is the stress, the desire to eat something pleasant to relax me or just a craving for protein to strengthen me. I have thought to myself more than once-this is not a good time to be fasting, I need to (want to?) eat. But it is my mind and not really my body or spirit that craves this natural food, so I am hanging in there.

I have wanted to break this fast in particular several times now. It is harder than any one I have ever done-harder on my mind, my body, my spirit. I am very clear that I heard the Lord on this one and yet from the first day, I have struggled in ways I never have when the Lord has led me to fast. I believe my friend was correct when she said that for some reason this fast has put me on the front line.

These past several fasts have taught me a thing or two, even some things that I wish I did not have to learn. One lesson in particular is this: fasting (and prayer) do not always prevent bad things from happening, they just prepare you to deal with them. Fact of the matter is that I do not know what lies ahead or what else I will have to face during this fast. But of this, I am sure-I will not have to face anything alone.

After I got the call from my aunt about my grandfather's hospitalization, I received a text from a friend who had no idea what was happening. It simply read: Dt. 31:8 and there I found these words: "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

I am reminded today that in this life, there will be things that we must face, endure, encounter. We are not exempted because of our faith in Christ and these things are not always the things we would prefer or even pray for. But I trust that if they come our way, we are always prepared through Christ to face them for "it is the Lord who goes before [us]."

Friday, February 26, 2010

Day 10: Another Storm

Scripture: I Corinthians 1-3

Another Storm
This winter it has decided to snow...a lot! Either we are hearing of storms coming or actually getting them. These last storms have been a convergence of storms creating massive snowfalls. Perhaps our weather is a physical indicator of your spiritual or personal life. For some reason, you keep finding yourself dumped on by life's storms. You are in a storm or receiving reports of a storm or you are dealing with multiple storms that converge over your life and yet, you still have somewhere to go.

This is how I felt this morning when I had to take my cousin to the airport. It is a mess out there especially in the wee hours of the morning (3:30am). The roads were covered with snow and the wind was blowing so hard that the snow was blowing sideways. On the way, I tried to drive in the places other cars had passed to maximize my tires' traction. In some places that worked but in others, I was on my own. I got onto to 78 thinking it would be in better shape than the local roads and I was mistaken. However, after traveling a little on the highway, I saw a snowplow. I was able to get behind it for a mile or two. It was great because it cleared out the snow and salted in front of me. It cleared my path as I drove.

I thought...this is like God. God does not always prevent the storms from coming or allow us to remain stagnant even when they do come. We still have places to go. But what God will do is go before us and prepare the way. The path may not be cleared for miles but just enough for us to take the next step, to go by faith based on the little we see.

My driving conditions were far from ideal this morning. I would not have ventured out if I did not have to. But what I experienced was that there was always something to help me get to my destination--a snowplow, tracks in the road, a cleared stretch of the road, etc. I had to be watchful, careful, travel at a slower speed, but I made it. I didn't get stuck. There was no accident. Another storm but I got to where I was going.

So remember this when storms blow through your life. Your pace may slow down, you may have to be more watchful, diligent but if you get behind God and go where God leads, you can make it, too!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Day 8: Are You Ready to Fly Yet?

Scripture: Romans 14-16

Are Your Ready to Fly Yet?
We have completed the first week of this fast. How did you do? Are you still hanging in there? The first week is always the hardest for me. I catch my rhythm around day 5-6 of an extended fast. I have gotten some major hurdles under my belt and am resting in the peace of God, confident that this fast is what I am called to do in this season.

Right now, I am sitting in a plane, typing feverishly to finish this entry although I will not be able to upload it for a few hours. There is a little girl traveling with her parents across the aisle from me. She just asked them, "Are we ready to fly yet?" I wonder if God is asking us the same thing-are we ready to fly?

I think fasting prepares us to fly. It relieves us of the extra baggage, weight, and even sin that besets us. It makes us light enough to fly and ascend to the places God has for us. I don't know about you, but I want to be ready to fly when this fast is over, to go to the places God has prepared for me. So with each meal that I sacrifice and each purchase I deny myself, I am refraining from adding extra "weight" so that I am light for my journey.

My plane is about to take off. We are ready to fly. Are you?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Day 7: Peace Like a River

Romans 12-13

Peace Like a River
My best friend always remarks about how she is amazed at my clarity. Truth is- I must get clear. I HATE being confused. Actually "hate" isn't even strong enough to describe how much I abhor, loathe, despise being confused. It angers me. So when I don't "get it," I am in turmoil. For me it is not a matter of not having the answer or having figured things out, but not knowing how to look at things or having the right perspective. I can walk by faith, in the dark, as long as I have a sense of which way I am to step. I can deal with uncertainty and questions, but I need God to show me how to look at the situation; to give me a lens through which to view my world.

I remember when I was completing my dissertation. I was a week away from a deadline could make or break my academic career and it did not look good. I remember sitting on living room floor among a pile of books and papers and saying to God, "I need to know what YOU say about this situation. I know what my advisor says, my committee says, but what do YOU say? I thought this degree was a part of Your plan for my life. Did I miss it, mess it up? Was I not supposed to work at the church and devote myself to this degree, because I thought You called to me St. James." So I sat on the floor amid my books and papers and asked God to give me a word. God led me to two scriptures: Zephaniah 3:15, "The Lord has taken away the judgments against you, he has turned away your enemies. The king of Israel, the Lord, is your midst, you shall fear disaster no more." And Hebrews 6:10, "For God is not unjust, he will not overlook your work and the love that showed for his sake in serving the saints, as you still do." I knew what God was saying and I was at peace. I did not know how God would work out my situation but I was at peace.

And today, I have peace like a river "attending my way." So whatever my lot, I will say--"it is well, it is well with my soul!"

Monday, February 22, 2010

Day 6: New Morning, New Mercies

Scripture: Romans 9-11

New Morning, New Mercies
Although by nature I am a night owl, I love the early mornings. I love the promise of each new day and the feeling of all things being made new. I am comforted by the Genesis 1 story of creation. You will notice that at the completion of each new day it says, "evening and morning" not "morning and evening." I read once that for God, the day begins when the sun goes down. In other words, when humans rest, God goes to work, The same sentiment is expressed in Psalm 127:2 which is usually translated:"for he gives sleep to his beloved." However, I also like the alternate translation of that verse: "He provides for his beloved during sleep." So in those morning hours, in the quiet moments before the world wakes up, I sit wondering what God has been working on and what He will provide today.

Yes, God will provide so we can let go of the financial stress that encumbers us. We can release the "what if's" and walk by faith in full assurance that when we get to the need, God will provide. We can relax during this financial fast because we are not dealing with lack, only disciplined spending and habits. There is more than enough, God provides. Because while we slept, God went to work and provided for us while we rested. So think of today as an opportunity to see what God has been up to!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Day 5: Landmarks Needed

Scripture: Romans 8


Landmarks Needed
The first few days of a fast hit me hard. I am trying to work my way out of this initial fasting slump-low energy, low joy. Honestly, I feel a bit vulnerable because I feel like I can't take too much without food or spending. Lol! Of course, I know that I can do all things through Christ but I feel the loss of the two things that bring instant relief--God sometimes takes a bit longer (smile). I have been wrestling with some things and listening to hear from God. So far, He has said nothing. I am praying that God will speak to me this week and encourage my heart. I need a landmark. Here's what I mean...

One day, I was given directions to a cabin in the Poconos where I was to spend a weekend away with some friends. I was driving alone and late at night. Once I got of the interstate, the road were long, windy and dark. However, the friend who gave the directions also gave e some landmarks. So as I was driving down these unfamiliar roads, I would see the gas station or pizza place or bakery she mentioned. It was always a relief because after a while of being on an unfamiliar road, I began to doubt that I was heading in the right direction. Once I saw the landmark, I relaxed because even though I had not reached my destination, I knew I was on the right track.

I am asking God to send me a landmark this week. That is my prayer. I have been on a fasting frenzy, it seem, since September and I just don't know about some things. So I need God to speak or at least give me a landmark to let me know I am heading in the right direction so I can remain faithful. I believe I am close to the breakthrough, too much happening to try to discourage me. But one thing I know, is that when God speaks to me, all doubts disappear and I can go on a word. That's all I need is a word/landmark to appear on this stretch of the road.

Speak, Lord, Your servant is listening...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Day 4: One Day at a Time

Scripture Reading: Ezekiel 10-13

One Day at a Time
Well, the hunger headaches have passed and so I feel much better. I am trying to remain positive and encourage myself in the Lord. The beginning of a long fast is always a little daunting once I begin it. So I am trying to focus on one day at a time. Perhaps, I need to do that more often.

I often begin with the end in mind, which is helpful in navigating my way and reaching a goal. However, it is sometimes not so great when trying to obey God. I often feel like that a traveller lost in Maine who asks for directions to their destination and the local response is, "You can't get there from here." When following God, I can know what the promise is but the way to it is so twisty, turny and with so many seemingly dead ends that I feel like I can't get there from here. So, I have resolved to take it a day at a time and not give up. I can get there-wherever God has promised if I just follow. I trust that God knows the way.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Day 3: The Weakest Links

Scripture Readings
Morning: Ezekiel 7-9
Evening: Romans 4-6

The Weakest Links
It seems that God wants to get to the heart of the matter and God isn't pulling any punches with me. This Lent, God called me to a fast that GREATLY impacted my eating and spending, my two greatest weaknesses. They are my defaults and to be honest, sometimes my idols. I wrestle with these two things like the Israelites went between the Baals and Asherahs.

Here's what I mean. Eating is guaranteed pleasure and (temporary) stress relief for me. I can grab a burger, snickers, fries, ice cream and immediately bring joy to my life. And then, if they don't work, I can pray...sound familiar?

Of course, all of my snacks and eating out come with a price tag. It is the start of a vicious cycle that I have been struggling to break: eating for pleasure not sustenance whether it is to mitigate a celibate lifestyle, relieve personal or professional stress, stay awake, fight boredom, keep me company, act as my primary form of socializing which means more money spent on snacks, take out, eating out which means more calories and more pounds which undoes my hard work at the gym (that I've paid for) and has also meant buying MORE clothes and even shoes because I am too big or uncomfortable to fit in the ones I have which causes me to eat more, because I feel defeated, sad, and like it doesn't make a difference. Spending and eating go hand and hand with me so there is no surprise that with a financial fast at the church, God has called a food fast in my heart.

The good news is that I have not spiraled out of control as in times past. I am slowly making progress but this time, I feel like God wants to kill some giants in my life at last. This does not mean that I will not eat delicious food or junk food or go out to eat (I am a foodie:-) nor does it mean that I will never buy non-essential items. What it does mean is that these giants will no longer rule me, make me lose control. I will control my eating and I will control my spending.

This fast is making me depend on God in these areas. God already gets about 20% of my money but now it is time to really surrender to His wisdom and will for the remaining 80% and quit allowing my emotions, my whims, and my wants put me in debt. It is time to pause for a quick prayer during difficult times rather than grabbing for something to stuff my face. It is time to quit lying to myself and saying this isn't a problem because my clothes size is barely in the double digits and my credit is excellence. My heart knows the truth even if the world does not. I am dethroning some idols, killing some giants, praising down some walls, one day at a time. I know in my heart that "the Lord has promised good to me" and I do not want to be the hold up to my own blessings because each day of obedience means that I am one day closer to receiving them!


Day 2: Paying with Cash Hurts

Scripture: Ezekiel 4-6

Paying With Cash Hurts
I am learning to undo some habits and that is not so easy. I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things for my fast and was VERY hungry. I popped open the fruit juice and drank it while finishing my shopping. By the time I got to the register, I realized that I didn't have any cash. I paid for the juice with the last $5 in my purse and left the other groceries there. It wasn't much and they didn't have everything I needed, so it was no big deal. I later went to the bank to withdraw some money-I didn't want to because paying with cash hurts.

Paying with cash, the actual paper and metal money really makes a difference. We can FEEL how much we spend. Plastic anesthetizes us. It delays the inevitable--figuring out where the money is coming from to pay the bill. Even with debit cards, we are quicker to spend than with the money coming directly from our hands. When I withdrew the money from my account, I kinda panicked. The amount of cash on hand set a REAL spending limit. No credit card back up, if I mismanage these dollars, I do without the rest of week. This is a habit I am going to continue after the fast--my allowance will be withdrawn once a week and that money will be for some particular things. Once it is gone, it is gone-so if I want that $50 dinner with friends, I better eat whatever is in the fridge/freezer for the rest of the week. And if I want something that exceeds my allowance, I have to have some money left from the week before to add to it.
So, tomorrow's task is to update my quicken file and see how much money I can allot myself for incidentals/personal items (a lot of which will be saved during this fast since I am only spending on necessities). How are you coming along?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Day 1: Ash Wednesday Thoughts

Morning Scripture: Ezekiel 1-3
Evening Scripture: Romans 1-3

Ash Wednesday Thoughts
Another Lenten Season is here. I am amazingly excited. God is up to something. Actually, I have been excited for the past three fasts that we have done as a church family. There is something about the discipline that helps to order my life. I am blessed to have felt led to these fasts. Let me explain.

Some fasts (like the 2 Daniel fasts) are called and we do in obedience to the spiritual leadership that calls us to them. As we mature in faith we can follow even when we do not feel like it. That means that sometimes God will speak to the Pastor concerning the direction of the church and the need to fast and be on one accord; to seek God so that we can be ready. We do not have to "feel" these fasts because God doesn't have to speak directly to us if God has spoken to us through the Pastor. It is our task to simply be obedient and follow with a willing spirit. We must resist the urge to be arrogant, thinking that God first has to tell us everything He tells the Pastor and if we don't like it, feel like it, don't understand why, then we don't do it. That is precisely why we have a Pastor, to provide us spiritual direction and communicate to us God's will for us a His people.

Other fasts, God leads us to do, like this financial fast. If we sense God telling us to fast in this way, then we do it. Otherwise, it isn't for us. During this season I have felt led to this fast as well as another involving a sacrifice of food. I will do both for 40 days. Jantezen Franklin, in his book Fasting, notes that 40 day fasts are "dominion fasts." They are used by God to usher us into a new place or season, to permanently destroy yokes, to do a transforming work that transitions us to a new place or to establish purpose and destiny. I feel this shift occurring in my own life. God is making things brand new and I cannot wait to see the totality of what God is doing. It is worth the sacrifice to me.

I have set aside 3 times/day for prayer over some very specific requests. I have determined what scriptures I will read during my morning and evening devotion times. during my afternoon time, I will work through Michelle Singletary's 21 Days to Prosperity, which is the book that goes along with a 21 day financial fast and I will read 40 Days to a More Generous Life. I have a plan (smile) and pray for the strength, will, and discipline to stick to it.

I am expecting great things from a great God. I declare that it is my season! I feel it, I know it, and now I am preparing to walk in it! I look forward to sharing this journey with you!