Day 13: Sunday Thoughts

Scripture: Luke 17:1

Today's Menu:

Salad (lettuce, tomato, red onion, black olive, jalapeno peppers, cucumbers) with a veggie pattie

Baked Tostitoes

Apple chips

pistachios

almonds (maybe...or matzo or rice cake with peanut butter)

Sunday Thoughts...

I am sitting in my den munching on a salad without dressing, cheese, or meat and actually enjoying it.  I am amazed at how my taste buds have changed.  I am also realizing that although nothing much has changed on the outside, so much on the inside has.  One thing I have noted in general is that the fight has returned to my spirit.

Yesterday, in a conversation with one of my best friends, I commented on how this fast has enabled me to see how much of the devil's stuff I was just putting up with.  I tolerated and accepted things that I did not have too and stopped fighting and believing for things that God promised me.  I somehow allowed guilt, mistakes, and wrong turns make me feel like I couldn't really ask or believe God for some things in my life and started receiving what the devil was dishing out--discouragement, disappointment, disbelief which decreased my vision. Sure God was going to bless me, He was just that good but not in ways I truly wanted.  No, I messed that up when I went left instead of right, or said no instead of yes, or procrastinated too long, or acted in fear instead of faith.  so if I don't get this or ever that...well it is my own fault, the consequences of my actions or lack thereof.  And yet I had already confessed those things as sin, truly repented of them, and did not turn back but I was holding it against myself because God had already forgotten it.  I was the one who, decided I deserved less, could only have less, not God.  I let the devil guilt me then use the fact that certain things had not yet manifested as proof they would never come.  I let him convince me not to hope or I would be disappointed; not to ask because God would surely say no; not to desire because it would lead to heartbreak; not to dream because it would not only be deferred but denied.  Sure I could believe God for the church and church people but I had slowly, imperceptibly stopped believing for me.   Some of you know what I mean because you been down this road too....

And what is happening is that as I have been reading the word during this fast I keep on getting reminders of what God has spoken into my life and promised me and my spirit refuses to bow to the natural but is holding fast to what it has glimpsed in the spiritual.  My vision is expanding and I am seeing the lies of Satan as just that LIES!!! God really has promised good to me and some things I really desire.  And my fight has returned.  I am no longer settling.  I believe God--that's it and I am no longer going to shrink wrap the vision or pocket size the promise.  That regardless of past disappointments, pain, prayers not answered as I would have liked--I trust GOD!  I trust God with every hope, dream, wish, want, prayer, desire, and petition.  And I will fight the devil with all that I have.  I am going on the offense.  I'm tired of playing the defense.  I want a touchdown, and not just block the goal. Some battles I will win others I may lose.  But even if I lose, the devil is going to know he was in a fight.  

I don't know what things will look like on day 21 but I see me in the future and I look better than I do right now.