Day 7: Run Your Own Race

Scripture: Samuel 1

Today's Menu:

Breakfast:Banana

Snacks: Apple, Salt n Pepper Pop Chips(Wholefoods has best price-I know, amazing. Best non fried potato chip I've found, tastes like munchos), baked Tostitoes and/or Olive tortilla chips with salsa, nuts and raisins

Lunch/Dinner: Black beans with mushrooms over brown rice and portuguese collard greens (cut into strips and sauteed in olive oil and garlic)

Fizzy Lizzy (cranberry juice in seltzer) or Lemon Mineral Water

Been feeling a bit nauseous. Any advice?

Run Your Own Race

Got off to a late start this morning. I've been very tired lately. My goal is to get to bed by 9pm tonight so I can get back on board with my routine which needs to begin at 4:45am. My goal is to get to the gym next week and do some cardio. The good thing about this fast is that I can exercise since I don't have to miss meals.

Right now, I am focusing on settling in and listening to God. God seems to be talking to me in the details with gentle nudging and making more aware of things. I feel a peace and that has come much sooner than the last fast for which I am grateful. I am convinced that I must continue to focus on God and what God wants of me.

I must admit that I was a bit disappointed by the initial lack of response to this fast (and maybe it as changed, maybe like God told Elijah, He has 7000 who have not bowed to Baal or kissed him). But it did make me wonder why I should continue to sacrifice, especially during my 40th birthday, for a corporate blessing that others do not care enough to sacrifice for. I get tired, too. And then, I felt the Lord tell me: Run your own race.

You see, we are all in this together. We should be running together. But do you ever feel like you are doing your laps and each time you come around the bend, you see the same people sitting on the sidelines who are supposed to be running with you? It's natural to feel that way which is why I believe Hebrews 12:1-2 tells us: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith..." So, I refocused, took my eyes off the stands and the sidelines, surrounded myself with some running buddies, and looked to Jesus. I have to keep pace with Him, believing that I will eventually make it to the place God is calling us. I have to believe that others will not hold up what God has for us.

Victory is on the way! As a matter of fact, it is done. We are just waiting to catch up with it. We believe God. We obey God. So let's run on and see what the end is gonna be.

Day 6: So I Told God "Yes"

Scripture: Genesis 7-9

Today's Menu: The grits are working for me so I'm gonna stick with them

Tofu (forgot the flavor-got some off wholefood's hot bar) with mushrooms

Mixed vegetables

raisins and nuts

Triscuits

Vegetable stew

Maybe-black beans and rice

Technical Note:

If you are having trouble posting to the blog. Try it twice. When I try to comment on the blog, I always get an error message after I hit send the first time. I just hit it again and then it goes through. I don't know why and I am using google so try it twice and let me know. If you are following the blog-please comment and let me know you are reading them OR send me an email rstclair@stjamesame.org so I can see if this actually is a helpful tool. Thanks!

So I Told God "Yes"

I don't have much to say this morning but a whole lot to do. So I will just give an update....I told God "yes." I am not exactly sure what I am saying "yes" to, God didn't ask me about anything in particular. I just gave God an across the board "yes" for however, whenever, with whomever, He wants to make this next move in my life. I decided to quit focusing on what I want and focus on being ready to give God what He wants. I am a bit nervous but I am meditating on Matt. 7:11--"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" I am going with the songwriter--"The Lord has promised good to me...." and with Jeremiah, I affirm God knows the plans He has for me, plans for my welfare and not my harm to give me a future with (or "and a") hope. I told God "yes" and each day I will work on not taking it back. I've taken back the stipulations that sometimes (ok, lately often) come with my "yes's". I am resisting the urge to constantly remind God that I want this or prefer this rather than that. I told Him before and now I am going to let it go and delight myself in Him--God knows the desires of my heart and most importantly, God knows what I need today and everyday that He shall give me. That's all, people. I believe God. I obey God. So i told God "yes."

Day 5: God Bless Galileo

Scripture: Genesis 4-6

Today's Menu:

Giving up on the cream of wheat because I cannot sweeten it the way I want (Bye cream of wheat, see you after the 22nd!)

Today, I am saying--Hello, grits! And I wonder, "Will this be the start of new relationship?"

Black beans and brown rice, baby! Added some mushrooms, garlic, salt, and pepper and my help has come

Nuts and raisins

Mixed vegetables

Yukon gold potatoes tossed in a little olive oil with salt and pepper and oven roasted and then dipped in some Tabasco course mustard instead of ketchup

Vegetable stew until the vat is finished, then I'll make chili. It actually gets better each day

Banana

Apple or applesauce

God Bless Galileo

Galileo is often called the "Father of Modern Science." His insights into physics and astronomy are still used to this day. However, he spent the latter part of his life under house arrest by the Roman Catholic Church after being denounced as heretic. Why, you ask? Because he supported and advocated Copernicus' theory that the earth revolved around the sun and not the other way around. Galileo held the sun lay at the center not the earth.

For those of you who attended Watchnight at SOPAC, you may remember how I spoke about the wise men following a star to see the SON, and the parallel I made between the sun and the SON-just as things revolve around the sun and it gives light and life, and determines the earth's seasons as we rotate and revolve around it, so it is with the SON. We are to revolve around Jesus, He gives us light and light and determines the seasons of our lives. And what I am finding out in this fast is that my natural inclination is to adopt a worldview in which I am at the center rather the one Galileo talked about in which the sun (SON) is.

Now on one hand, I have always wanted God's will and sought Him for it especially when I was making major decisions. In general, I have tried to follow God's leading, and admittedly, sometimes better than others. But there is a different sort of press this time. My universe is shifting and I am no longer the center of it. I am seeing how I have made what I want a priority asking God to revolve around my wishes. Here's what I mean, even when I know that what I want is God's will I still want Him to get on my schedule. At some point, I try to become the center again, dictating the terms. And from the outside, it may not seem like a big deal since I do not live a reprobate or "disobedient" life; I don't habitually, intentionally sin. I do strive to live a repentant life. But God isn't asking for just the "big" stuff, He's asking for holiness in the details and for me, that begins with my attitude and orientation towards things. It means losing my vested interests that seek after my comfort, convenience, preferences, inclinations and seek after God trusting that I and it will be ok and better for having placed Him in the center.

Following my astronomy metaphor, I was thinking this morning that I feel like Halley's (rhymes with valley) comet. A comet is actually a giant, dirty snowball in outerspace. Halley's comet can be seen from earth every 76 years or so. It revolves around the sun but at a different trajectory from the planets. However, there comes a point in its journey that it is pulled very close to the sun and when this happens, it begins to melt--it's size is reduced. It also gets brighter. The sun illumines it and it leaves a trail behind (that tail that is seen when the comet is visible) Now, I don't think I am GIANT dirty snowball but we can all be cleaned up a bit more. I do feel like the SON has pulled me close and the result is that I am decreasing and getting brighter and will hopefully leave a bright trail behind me.

Last night at prayer meeting, Rev. Richardson had us spend time in God's presence just to listen to Him and seek Him on our own. I came to the altar and knelt ready to ask but all I could do was thank Him for everything I had prayed and asked for. I sat listening and worshipping because I felt no need to petition. God has it, God knows, and God will do it. That's what my spirit told me: I already asked and now I worship and wait, keeping the SON at the center so I can be ready to revolve after this next move. My posture is one of seeking, but not of my desires. No I need to do what Ephesians 5:10 says "Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord." Because if I do this, I will find my place in my petitions. As I pray for financial strongholds to be destroyed, I will see what I need to do to please God in this area of my life and what I need to give to God's house beyond the tithe because the tithe is the minimum gift. As I pray for guidance and direction, I will see where I need to go so that I can lead others. You see, when I put the SON in the center, then I must revolve around Him; I have to see how I will respond to God not just how God will respond to me.

So God bless Galileo! Because his scientific insights have helped me put the SON in its rightful place.

Day 4: Moving Beyond a "Feel Like It" Faith

Scripture: Gen. 1-3

Today's Menu:

Cream of wheat wheat with raisins, cinnamon, nutmeg

Banana

Triscuits

Apple

Vegetable stew

Black beans with brown rice and balsamic mushrooms

Steamed broccoli

Moving Beyond a "Feel Like It" Faith

I received a text from one of my friends yesterday--a praise report actually. He was praising God because after 2 years of praying, he finally solved his squirrel problem. Let me explain, about 2 years ago he bought an older house, his first home. He made some improvements, updated some things, and was enjoying the property. But then, he started hearing these scratching, running noises over his head especially in his bedroom. He called exterminators, animal control, you name it and all to no avail. They couldn't find the panel to get into the attic portion of the house, nor could they find the animal's entry point. So, short of tearing into his house, they could not set a trap.

I heard of his squirrel woes over lunch after he visited the last 11am service when I preached. He looked at me and out of nowhere said: "Raquel, I just had to put the squirrel into the hands of Jesus. I can't do no more" and we continued catching up. So yesterday, he is looking out the window and he sees the squirrel exiting his house. He now knows the point of entry, the professionals can set a trap to relocate the animal or seal the opening--all because he put it in the hands of the Lord.

So I get his text and story while fixing some roasted potatoes for my Daniel dinner and I start thinking--what are some things I just need turn over to Jesus? I thought about the fast prayer requests--the church's finances, my finances, my hopes, and dreams and desires; the things that I prayed about and for during the last fast and didn't see the results I had hoped and expected-- my disappointment. And then every so softly, my spirit said, "I need to put me in the hands of Jesus." And I paused, struck by the thought that I wasn't there already, that the reason I was disappointed by the last fast was because I didn't get what I wanted from God although God got what he wanted from me--time, attention, focus, submission, obedience, priority, seeking, hunger, passion. God was telling me something in this but I couldn't quite get it. I told Rev. Alise the story, that there was a sermon in here somewhere, and that I had to get in the hands of Jesus, but how? I know how to put things, and people, and problems, and wants, and wishes in his hands but how did he want me to get in them during this season? And I went to sleep.

This morning as I drifted in and out of slumber, those thoughts were still with me. But what became clear was this: I am expecting God to move in some very specific ways and am fasting for some things-financial breakthrough, the elimination of debt, and spiritual guidance, but God is not a means to an end. I have to get in his hands with everything else I put there. I have to surrender my requests to God along with myself and allow Him to work out His will in and for me during this season and accept it. I obey and serve and do because He tells me or spiritual leadership tells me to do certain things regardless of whether or not I feel like it or want it, because my "feelings" and "wants" put me at the center not God. And God is not obligated to please me, I have been created for HIS pleasure.

I believe that what God is saying to me and others of us during this season and this fast is this: GROW UP! Move beyond this "feel like it" pseudo-faith that is grounded in the attaining of our wants and wishes without the level of sacrifice to which GOD calls us. Quit whining and complaining and giving up because we don't get what we want when we want it or are temporarily inconvenienced as we pursue lasting change, transformation, and breakthrough. Mature beyond a self-centered faith that can only participate in something that directly impacts us and not sacrifice for the good of the whole. Work on being willing so we can stop disobeying God under the guise of "we don't want to do it with the wrong attitude"--CHANGE the attitude and do what God says! Quit short circuiting the move of God in our lives and the lives of those we are called to serve through the acceptance of the title, position, or ordinations we have received by refusing to be obedient because we don't "feel it" or "feel like it." Stop making excuses for disobedience and trying to use the Holy Spirit to justify it: "I don't feel led" when God is leading us with a WORD (do this!) and not a feeling. Where is God asking us only to do what we feel like? When did God craft His will around our wants? God is calling us to obey--to put ourselves not just our stuff in His hands. To trust Him with US, not just the stuff we want! Trust Him enough to do what He says even when we don't feel like it because we will answer for these things one day. So often, we act like 2 year olds telling God what we don't want and feel like either with our words or actions or tantrums of disobedience. He's gotta be tired of it by now. I'm tired of doing it.

I am pressing hard. I am following close. I am surrendering and obeying. I am leaving some things and people behind. I am forsaking "feelings" in pursuit of a mature faith. I am climbing into His hands knowing that whatever happens once I'm in there will be good enough because He is God enough. So that when breakthrough comes and prayers are answered both me and my stuff will be ready!

Day 3: The Lonelies

Scripture: Philippians 3-4 (read it yesterday, just read the whole letter)

Today, I read Colossians

Verse for today: May you be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may you be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the light. Colossians 1: 11-12.

Today's Menu:

Cream of wheat with baby food or Polaner's All Fruit

Vegetable soup/stew (I'm gonna name this dish at some point)

Triscuits

Gerber Graduates Fruit Twist (yes, more baby food-perhaps I buying and eating this by faith...)

Apple

A little smoothie I made with bananas, pineapple, and soy milk--not bad, but not so good. lol!

The Lonelies

Yesterday evening/last night was bit difficult. Typically, the hardest days of the fast for me are the evenings of the first few days and it's not because of the food, it's the lonelies. I feel like I go through this stripping, isolating phase before I really sense the presence of God. The lack of TV, movies (all though I do not watch or go that much), the random conversations, or not intentionally participating in social activities makes me lonely. I already live alone and the fast REALLY emphasizes it.

So today, I need you all's prayers--call me by name-- because on the last fast I went for 40 instead of 21 days. 2 out of 3 of my personal requests went from bad to worse and the first part of the 3rd--no answer and the second part isn't looking that good. And that fast was a stretch--through revival and sharing meals with our guests that I could not really participate in, after planning the anniversary for a year-no good anniversary food, and I ended it with a 3 day water fast...smh and now this fast is during my 40th birthday and I am wondering if I am crazy for doing this again. I like cake! I like parties!

Ok, ok...I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. Another day of fasting begins and the optimism and hope returns on the wings of the new mercies I received this morning. I think: I can't wait to testify that it was all worth it and more; that the sacrifices pale in comparison to the blessings. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. I believe God. I obey God. Say it with me... I BELIEVE GOD. I OBEY GOD.

Day 2: It's On and Poppin'

Scripture: Philippians 1-2

Today's Menu: Let's see, I ate a banana before 9:30 service and some triscuits and water on the way to 11am service.

Right now, I am eating a bowl of the vegetable soup/stew I made yesterday and it's REALLY good, at least to me. The butternut squash really brings a nice flavor to it.

Trying to get in 3-4 bottles of water

not sure what else I will eat, don't have much of an appetite

Things I plan on trying...

For breakfast tomorrow, I will make a little cream of wheat

I will take a little and mix it with my Polaner All Fruit spread and mix a little with one of my baby foods and prayerfully, I will have another breakfast option...

It's On and Poppin'

Clearly, I'm feeling a lil ghetto...lol! But seriously, don't you feel it? The excitement, the newness, the expectation, the FAITH? I do. I feel people are getting serious about their walk with God and are ready to do whatever hey must to receive the promises and blessings of God. I am seeing fewer victims of a "good enough" faith. And that, my friends, excites me and makes what I do worth the sacrifices it often requires.

So, although I am excited, I am also a little...well, "anxious" is too strong a word and I'm not "afraid" but maybe "nervous" is the right word. I have butterflies in my stomach :-). Yeah, that's it-butterflies! I feel that twinge of excitement and expectation that is also mixed with a little nervousness and uncertainty because I believe and feel something good or great heading my way but I don't know exactly when or how. Today, I sensed the Lord saying to me "Now. It is the time." I am certain I have tipped into another season. I need a change, I need the seasons to shift and I need to God to show up for me personally, not just professionally. I am believing God for Raquel not just Rev. St. Clair. I pray that God is saying "now" because it has been "not yet" for so long.

So it's on and poppin'--I am preparing and positioning myself to follow where Jesus is leading and do what He says. I crave intimacy with God and I want to hear his voice speaking about some specific areas of my life. During this fast, I have once again turned off the TV and no movies. I spend most of my alone time in silence or listening to worship music. I am being very careful about what I subject myself to. I do not need fluff, foolishness, frivolity. I do not need distractions. This is my time to focus, to press hard after God, to hear clearly and unmistakable. It is the time and I want to be ready.

Day 1: It's a New Season, It's a New Day!

Scripture: Ephesians 4-6 (read chps 1-3 yesterday)

Menu: Since it's the 1st day, here's my grocery list. It may help get you started. Got it all at Shoprite. Will do Whole Food items on separate list...

Tricuits (thin ones are FABULOUS!!!)

Matzo

Organic peanut butter (check labels to make sure no sugars are added)

Polaner All Fruit (I got grape, make sure to get the one with no sugar added and is 100% fruit)

Apples

Grapefruit

Bananas

Pineapple chunks (for smoothies)

Frozen vegetables

Vegetable stock

baked tostitoes

salsa

assorted beans (black, small red, lentils, chick peas, large white beans)

brown rice

Prego All Natural Marinara Sauce

Tomato paste

Diced tomatoes

New item I am trying: Baby food

Yup! I bought some fruit mixtures for my sweet tooth since they tend not add sugar or artificial flavors or colors. Might be a good breakfast option when I don't want to make smoothies, need a snack, or want "dessert"...

Whole Foods List:

Great food bar. I use it add variety.

• Ginger sesame tofu
• Spinach pasta with veggies
• Veggie patties (they are SO heavy, you only need half and have no off limit ingredients like a lot of veggie patties do)
• Quinoa cakes
• Tabbouleh

I purchase from Whole Foods (aka Whole Paycheck) a specialty items I cannot get elsewhere, or haven't found yet and a few favs

• olive and sundried tomato bruschetta
• coconut milk for smoothies (the one's they carry do not have guar gum)

Last night, I made some kind of vegetable soup/stew. You are gonna have to play this recipe by ear because I don't measure things...

Vegetable Stew: Add all ingredients to 5 quart crockpot, cook on warm for 8 hours

1 pkg lentils

24 oz mixed vegetables (frozen)

12 oz butternut squash (frozen)

1 medium yellow onion

vegetable stock (enough to fill pot and cover ingredients. You may need to add more stock or a couple of cups of water because veggies will release water but the lentils will suck it up)

I originally added 1 large container of vegetable stock (those cardboard containers in the soup aisle usually on the top shelf, I forget how many ounces it is) and then enough water to peak through ingredients. When I checked it this morning, it was too dry. The lentils had sucked up all the water so I added the 2nd container of vegetable stock (about 7/8 of it) to cover ingredients.

2 bay leaves

season to taste ( I used salt, white pepper, a little minced garlic, and oregano)

Triscuits (my former Daniel love)

Apple or applesauce

Grapefruit (maybe)

Gerber's Baby Food--either the vanilla, apple, and mixed oats or apple and pear

It's a New Season, It's a New Day!

I am really excited about this fast and find that a bit odd because (1) not only do I love to praise Him, I love to eat esp things that contain meat, and sugar, and flour, and dairy, and yeast....you get the picture and (2) my birthday is during this fast, a significant birthday, and I will have no cake on that day,or anything else I'd really like eat to celebrate. But one thing I have learned is to look at the big picture. My birthday is just that, a DAY, I am doing this fast because I am looking at the WHOLE YEAR! God willing, there will be other birthdays and greater celebrations but I feel like if God has given me another year of life, I want to spend that year in obedience to God and spiritual leadership. This fast will be my personal "thank you" to God for letting me see 40 years (yes, I said it but only because I don't look a day over 39! lol!) and my surrendering this next season of life to Him.

I want God's guidance, direction, wisdom, and discernment. I want debt broken over my church and my life and I want and expect EVERYTHING God has promised. I am pressing and pursuing hard and I am PASSIONATE about this thing. I refuse to go into this New Season or another New Day with whining, complaining, or pessimism. I serve a GREAT GOD and I am expecting GREAT THINGS so I am willing to make GREAT sacrifices to get it. And I believe this fast will not only help me get my actions in line with God's will--my eating, care of body and self, daily devotional time, gym time, sermon prep, etc but it will most importantly get my attitude and perspective in line for a blessing.

My motto/ resolution for 2010 is "I believe God. I obey God." It's 2010 and I will be 40. 10 and 40 are two VERY significant numbers of completion and I am expecting some things to be completed in my life. I don't want to carry doubts into the new year. I refuse to allow circumstances to determine the level of my faith. I purpose in my heart to believe GOD no matter what it looks, feels, or sounds like. And I want to obey God, in the minutest details of life. That's how we tune our ears to hear God--we obey God. Disobedient ears are blocked and deaf ears because disobedient people do not really want to hear from God--hearing from God requires change and decision and surrender. I want to be obedient because God's best comes God's way.

For the me, the seasons shifted on Christmas Eve. I felt it all around me at Candlelight service. God is doing something unique in our midst and I perceive it and want to be a part of it. I hope you will, too!