Today's Menu: Not sure...probably some fruit, gnocchi in marinara sauce with broccoli and mushrooms. I have left over black beans and brown rice, some sauteed onions, peppers, and mushrooms, steamed broccoli and baked tostitoes...
Wide Open
Well, I'm back after a long weekend sans blogging. I hope you are all doing well and hanging in there. If you fell off the wagon, hop back on. We are in the home stretch and I concur with so many of you, this fast has been very different than the last one. Perhaps, more challenging as it seems that God has been doing open heart surgery and going deep into us. I keep hearing the repeated refrain of people feeling "wide open." We are being made vulnerable as God takes away the security blankets that we cover ourselves in and removes the pretenses of self-preservation. God is making us see ourselves and our lives for what they really are and that is not always easy. I keep telling people, "Daniel will make you tell the truth." It'll also make you see the truth, and accept the truth. It makes it harder to deal with foolishness--yours and others. And it raises standards.
Yeah, I have been wrestling for two nights now, trying to discern what is going on inside of me. I think it is that I am seeing how I have settled not in actuality but in my thoughts. God is opening me and showing me "more" and making me come to grips with why I've been willing to settle for "less"--why I ask for the minimum and not the maximum and how certain disappointments have pocketsized some dreams. I feel like Akeelah in Akeelah and the Bee. You remember the scene--she's in the office with Laurence Fishburn and he asks if she wants to win the spelling bee. She gives a half-hearted response. So he keeps pushing her until she screams, "I WANNA WIN THE SPELLING BEE!" And as I write this blog, I am realizing that this is what God is doing.
I told Him "yes" to His will and His way. I told him I would obey and tell Him "yes" to 2 specific things I did NOT want to say "yes" to. I told the Lord that if He asked these things of me and I knew it was Him speaking, I would submit. Now it seems that God wants another "yes." He wants me to say "yes" to what He has shown me and told me. And this time the "yes" is not to the difficult or hard thing or thing I do not want. This time the "yes" is to the something greater than I can ask for and more than I imagined. And yet I am struggling to wrap my lips around this "yes"and admit I want it and believe I can have it. I'm on the brink of screaming, "I WANNA WIN THE SPELLING BEE!" oh but I am so wide open at just the thought that that kind of vulnerability scares me. To want, to hunger, to yearn, to be passionate again about something that stirs my soul AND ADMIT IT is scary. I lose the false sense of protection that pretense gives. I no longer can lie to myself and say, "Well, I didn't really want it," if it does not come to pass. I cannot minimize potential disappointment with pretending it was not important, I didn't really care. These are the thoughts that have held back this "yes." But Daniel will make you tell the truth: I want ALL that God has for me, not just the crumbs I think I deserve. So, "Yes, Lord, I WANNA WIN THE SPELLING BEE!"
There...it's out. I'm done. Now maybe I can sleep tonight! :-)
I know you only have a few days to go, but I thought I'd let you know about my blog, Those Who Hunger, which encourages people on the Daniel Fast. Perhaps you will find a few recipes to finish up the week!
ReplyDeletewww.thosewhohunger.blogspot.com
Thanks Rev for this posting. It is getting close to the end of the fast and I am craving things I don't even like or would eat if I wasn't fasting...yup he is a tricky adversary.
ReplyDeleteThis fast, while it started off pretty easy because of the recipes and already knowing what we could and could not eat made it seem a lot easier, instead it made it harder. I just didn't wanna eat some of the food that I was supposed to eat and as I stated on another post, I just didn't eat and that is not good.
I did find some new and exciting foods to try on the next fast such as Organic Apple and Pear butter with NO SUGAR added. Helps with the sweet tooth.
I am focusing on God's voice and direction and I have noticed how much clearer things seem to be. I am also being convicted for some of my thoughts and deeds that I always thought were OK. Well they aren't and I felt really bad and had to ask for forgivness.
I still have unanswered questions that I asked God about at the beginning of this fast. Don't know when they will be answered, but I know it will be in God's time.
The one thing that I found hard to do was to make a dish for maybe 2 meals. Making more and having to eat it until I finished it is the problem. We become bored after eating the same thing day after day, so I have to learn to cook smaller meals so that I don't end up not wanting any of it and not eating.