Day 11: Prepared

Scripture: I Corinthians 4-6

Prepared

I am sitting in the ICU waiting area after a long night of remaining at my grandfather's bedside. I am tired, my body aches. I have been craving a cheeseburger and french fries since I got here yesterday morning. It is the stress, the desire to eat something pleasant to relax me or just a craving for protein to strengthen me. I have thought to myself more than once-this is not a good time to be fasting, I need to (want to?) eat. But it is my mind and not really my body or spirit that craves this natural food, so I am hanging in there.

I have wanted to break this fast in particular several times now. It is harder than any one I have ever done-harder on my mind, my body, my spirit. I am very clear that I heard the Lord on this one and yet from the first day, I have struggled in ways I never have when the Lord has led me to fast. I believe my friend was correct when she said that for some reason this fast has put me on the front line.

These past several fasts have taught me a thing or two, even some things that I wish I did not have to learn. One lesson in particular is this: fasting (and prayer) do not always prevent bad things from happening, they just prepare you to deal with them. Fact of the matter is that I do not know what lies ahead or what else I will have to face during this fast. But of this, I am sure-I will not have to face anything alone.

After I got the call from my aunt about my grandfather's hospitalization, I received a text from a friend who had no idea what was happening. It simply read: Dt. 31:8 and there I found these words: "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

I am reminded today that in this life, there will be things that we must face, endure, encounter. We are not exempted because of our faith in Christ and these things are not always the things we would prefer or even pray for. But I trust that if they come our way, we are always prepared through Christ to face them for "it is the Lord who goes before [us]."

Day 10: Another Storm

Scripture: I Corinthians 1-3

Another Storm

This winter it has decided to snow...a lot! Either we are hearing of storms coming or actually getting them. These last storms have been a convergence of storms creating massive snowfalls. Perhaps our weather is a physical indicator of your spiritual or personal life. For some reason, you keep finding yourself dumped on by life's storms. You are in a storm or receiving reports of a storm or you are dealing with multiple storms that converge over your life and yet, you still have somewhere to go.

This is how I felt this morning when I had to take my cousin to the airport. It is a mess out there especially in the wee hours of the morning (3:30am). The roads were covered with snow and the wind was blowing so hard that the snow was blowing sideways. On the way, I tried to drive in the places other cars had passed to maximize my tires' traction. In some places that worked but in others, I was on my own. I got onto to 78 thinking it would be in better shape than the local roads and I was mistaken. However, after traveling a little on the highway, I saw a snowplow. I was able to get behind it for a mile or two. It was great because it cleared out the snow and salted in front of me. It cleared my path as I drove.

I thought...this is like God. God does not always prevent the storms from coming or allow us to remain stagnant even when they do come. We still have places to go. But what God will do is go before us and prepare the way. The path may not be cleared for miles but just enough for us to take the next step, to go by faith based on the little we see.

My driving conditions were far from ideal this morning. I would not have ventured out if I did not have to. But what I experienced was that there was always something to help me get to my destination--a snowplow, tracks in the road, a cleared stretch of the road, etc. I had to be watchful, careful, travel at a slower speed, but I made it. I didn't get stuck. There was no accident. Another storm but I got to where I was going.

So remember this when storms blow through your life. Your pace may slow down, you may have to be more watchful, diligent but if you get behind God and go where God leads, you can make it, too!

Day 8: Are You Ready to Fly Yet?

Scripture: Romans 14-16

Are Your Ready to Fly Yet?

We have completed the first week of this fast. How did you do? Are you still hanging in there? The first week is always the hardest for me. I catch my rhythm around day 5-6 of an extended fast. I have gotten some major hurdles under my belt and am resting in the peace of God, confident that this fast is what I am called to do in this season.

Right now, I am sitting in a plane, typing feverishly to finish this entry although I will not be able to upload it for a few hours. There is a little girl traveling with her parents across the aisle from me. She just asked them, "Are we ready to fly yet?" I wonder if God is asking us the same thing-are we ready to fly?

I think fasting prepares us to fly. It relieves us of the extra baggage, weight, and even sin that besets us. It makes us light enough to fly and ascend to the places God has for us. I don't know about you, but I want to be ready to fly when this fast is over, to go to the places God has prepared for me. So with each meal that I sacrifice and each purchase I deny myself, I am refraining from adding extra "weight" so that I am light for my journey.

My plane is about to take off. We are ready to fly. Are you?

Day 7: Peace Like a River

Romans 12-13

Peace Like a River

My best friend always remarks about how she is amazed at my clarity. Truth is- I must get clear. I HATE being confused. Actually "hate" isn't even strong enough to describe how much I abhor, loathe, despise being confused. It angers me. So when I don't "get it," I am in turmoil. For me it is not a matter of not having the answer or having figured things out, but not knowing how to look at things or having the right perspective. I can walk by faith, in the dark, as long as I have a sense of which way I am to step. I can deal with uncertainty and questions, but I need God to show me how to look at the situation; to give me a lens through which to view my world.

I remember when I was completing my dissertation. I was a week away from a deadline could make or break my academic career and it did not look good. I remember sitting on living room floor among a pile of books and papers and saying to God, "I need to know what YOU say about this situation. I know what my advisor says, my committee says, but what do YOU say? I thought this degree was a part of Your plan for my life. Did I miss it, mess it up? Was I not supposed to work at the church and devote myself to this degree, because I thought You called to me St. James." So I sat on the floor amid my books and papers and asked God to give me a word. God led me to two scriptures: Zephaniah 3:15, "The Lord has taken away the judgments against you, he has turned away your enemies. The king of Israel, the Lord, is your midst, you shall fear disaster no more." And Hebrews 6:10, "For God is not unjust, he will not overlook your work and the love that showed for his sake in serving the saints, as you still do." I knew what God was saying and I was at peace. I did not know how God would work out my situation but I was at peace.

And today, I have peace like a river "attending my way." So whatever my lot, I will say--"it is well, it is well with my soul!"

Day 6: New Morning, New Mercies

Scripture: Romans 9-11

New Morning, New Mercies

Although by nature I am a night owl, I love the early mornings. I love the promise of each new day and the feeling of all things being made new. I am comforted by the Genesis 1 story of creation. You will notice that at the completion of each new day it says, "evening and morning" not "morning and evening." I read once that for God, the day begins when the sun goes down. In other words, when humans rest, God goes to work, The same sentiment is expressed in Psalm 127:2 which is usually translated:"for he gives sleep to his beloved." However, I also like the alternate translation of that verse: "He provides for his beloved during sleep." So in those morning hours, in the quiet moments before the world wakes up, I sit wondering what God has been working on and what He will provide today.

Yes, God will provide so we can let go of the financial stress that encumbers us. We can release the "what if's" and walk by faith in full assurance that when we get to the need, God will provide. We can relax during this financial fast because we are not dealing with lack, only disciplined spending and habits. There is more than enough, God provides. Because while we slept, God went to work and provided for us while we rested. So think of today as an opportunity to see what God has been up to!

Day 5: Landmarks Needed

Scripture: Romans 8

Landmarks Needed

The first few days of a fast hit me hard. I am trying to work my way out of this initial fasting slump-low energy, low joy. Honestly, I feel a bit vulnerable because I feel like I can't take too much without food or spending. Lol! Of course, I know that I can do all things through Christ but I feel the loss of the two things that bring instant relief--God sometimes takes a bit longer (smile). I have been wrestling with some things and listening to hear from God. So far, He has said nothing. I am praying that God will speak to me this week and encourage my heart. I need a landmark. Here's what I mean...

One day, I was given directions to a cabin in the Poconos where I was to spend a weekend away with some friends. I was driving alone and late at night. Once I got of the interstate, the road were long, windy and dark. However, the friend who gave the directions also gave e some landmarks. So as I was driving down these unfamiliar roads, I would see the gas station or pizza place or bakery she mentioned. It was always a relief because after a while of being on an unfamiliar road, I began to doubt that I was heading in the right direction. Once I saw the landmark, I relaxed because even though I had not reached my destination, I knew I was on the right track.

I am asking God to send me a landmark this week. That is my prayer. I have been on a fasting frenzy, it seem, since September and I just don't know about some things. So I need God to speak or at least give me a landmark to let me know I am heading in the right direction so I can remain faithful. I believe I am close to the breakthrough, too much happening to try to discourage me. But one thing I know, is that when God speaks to me, all doubts disappear and I can go on a word. That's all I need is a word/landmark to appear on this stretch of the road.

Speak, Lord, Your servant is listening...

Day 4: One Day at a Time

Scripture Reading: Ezekiel 10-13

One Day at a Time

Well, the hunger headaches have passed and so I feel much better. I am trying to remain positive and encourage myself in the Lord. The beginning of a long fast is always a little daunting once I begin it. So I am trying to focus on one day at a time. Perhaps, I need to do that more often.

I often begin with the end in mind, which is helpful in navigating my way and reaching a goal. However, it is sometimes not so great when trying to obey God. I often feel like that a traveller lost in Maine who asks for directions to their destination and the local response is, "You can't get there from here." When following God, I can know what the promise is but the way to it is so twisty, turny and with so many seemingly dead ends that I feel like I can't get there from here. So, I have resolved to take it a day at a time and not give up. I can get there-wherever God has promised if I just follow. I trust that God knows the way.